I have You

It began, but never ended,
This mistake, so unintended.

I slide to the floor, wilted,
My heart in turmoil, jilted.

My loss is uncontended,
This pain of mine, extended.

Before sleep I pray it untrue,
But in sleep, I have you.

Mirage

My shoulders slump, bones parched and creaking.
My legs carry me across another dusty riverbed.

My eyes scan the endless horizon for solace.
In the distance, I spy an abundant haven!

Sprinting forward, I shout dulcet praises to my savior,
but collapse, just a skeleton in the sand.

I've been fooled, pained, and blind, in the time we've been apart,
And I have waited, thirsted, hungered, for the asylum of your heart.

So I raise my weary body and press on my lengthy hajj,
To a day when your embrace is no longer a mirage.

Today I saw myself in crisp white, and you in sharp black, hands held, at the altar.
It wasn't us of course, but I saw a plausible future there, for us, beneath the trellis.
Which means that, I must commit myself to making this fantasy a reality! Or I must pinch myself hard, and commit these high hopes to the fanciful rooms in my mind.

Is

Is this God's will?
A dove has landed on my sill.
An olive branch gently held in his beak,
And yet I stand here, unable to speak.

He brings the tool to provide my heart with peace,
I ask myself, is this the key to my release?

I thought that if my wish came true,
I'd have all the plans in place to start anew.

But here I am swaying in the winds, unsure of what to do.
All I know, is that I want to be with you.

If I Had Another Chance

It's all I can do to keep it suppressed,
With chains that sear into my flesh.

This pain is all that I can bare,
Only left, my silent prayer.

My sleep is filled with your solemn voice,
I live to dream, my only choice.

I clutch at memories, us twirling in the snow,
They seem so recent, although from so long ago.

If I had the strength to tell you today,
Of my love for you that hadn't strayed,
Of my unfaltering regret of losing you,
Of my apologies, so long overdue...

Then I'd tell of my dreams of you as King and I as Queen,
Where we lived in blinding bliss, our life serene.

I swear to the skies, if I had another chance!
I'd pull you into our old embrace, ask you to dance,
And promise your eyes would never hold another tear,
For as long as there's love, I will always be here.

Please, God, Give Me One More Chance

From Afar

At first, it was grief. The searing, burning flesh of grief, that lived in me for months, eating away at my days.
Then, it became regret, which sat heavy on my chest and made me suck air through my teeth, begging for release from my mistakes.
And then, I had hope. Crazy, technicolor hope when I prayed and wished and dreamed for you...although always, from afar.
And then grief would come a-knocking and I would begin again my pathetic cycle of loving you and missing you, always, from afar.
Every day speculating what you might think of this, what you might do with that, remembering every glorious moment with you and then feeling the bitter blade of my own knife slicing into my heart.

Well, I've been in this rainbow-hazy hopefulness for weeks and weeks but it stings like acid down my throat when I steal the words you speak to me because they aren't mine to hear. I don't deserve them. But I do deserve happiness. And not the happiness that comes from the irrational blood vessels that threaten to burst when you walk into the room or from the little bumps that appear on my skin and spread like a Californian wildfire when you glance at me sideways.

After all this time, I can now say that I deserve happiness from a real embrace, from a corporal kiss, not memories. And I can have that. Right now.

But I'm so, damned scared to let go of my love for you and surrender to the arms of another.

Seismic

I often believe that my love for you is seismic; that it is wild, burrowing through the Earth's core, between other realms, and emerging undiminished to trouble the waters on the other side. I'd like to use this seismic love to shake you, to remind you that we were once amazing.

Haven't found lips that'll waltz with mine,
Nor words whispered that’d warm my spine.
No strong arms like yours to entwine,
No light-touch to make my eyes shine.

Perhaps I've lost you forever.

Unfinished

Years I've been sheltering a part of my heart from the yearning eyes of others.
Palms shield, while abrasive words stave off the nectar seeking bees.

I can sleep comforted knowing that this white flower that I nurture and save for you remains inside me.

But I remain static, rooted, until you take this love of mine back.
Come and rightfully claim it; I won't let them defile what I designed for you.

I awake and the light from your heart, inside my chest, arises with me,
helping me live each day that you aren't at my side.

A Quandary / A Quagmire

My hopes to circumvent the mire,
Were only folly thoughts, now deserted.
Marooned in the brackish earth, all thoughts reverted
Plainly to my selfish, eternal desire.

Scalding Sands of Time

My lips, well they're suffocating, choking,
dying from the scalding desert sands of longing.
These sands cascade, an eroding dune through the glass timer,
the malevolent grains hurrying to the bottom.

I wonder, as my heart begins to mirror my lips, if I'll ever again know--
the middle-of-the-night-union, with our silently-locked-eyes,
or the love-note-on-the-dresser that epitomizes love.

I stand tall, as my feet disappear into the no-so-terra-firma,
and make myself a better woman,
worthy of your love once more.

My Greatest Gift from the Gods

You once shed sunlight on any dark skies that dared to dim my universe.
You wore a mighty mask to frighten away those that troubled me.
You carried the burden of my turbulent psyche, proudly like a crown.

At night, you would gently quiet the chirping, buzzing, hum of the rainforest of my mind,
And when I awoke each day, you would unfasten for me, the curtained windows, of paradise.

You gifted me immeasurable joy, you did: day after night after day.

Arms entwined, we journeyed across uneven trails and violent seas, traversed sundrenched fields, and star-lighted alleys.
We sang rich earthy notes of heady devotion, hands grasping for our sheltered harbor embrace.

The Gods bent down their almighty heads and shifted the universe to fit cozily around us.

And now I cling to these memories like a tearful child to her china doll, savoring each divine memory as a treasure too important to forget.

Time and time again I implore the Gods for one last chance to hold you to my chest that beats your name like a delirious drum and whisper to your heart that I love you.