New Dawn

Season after season, my heart's remained static, parched for something powerful, something deep, something... satisfying. 

Torrents of rich feeling are washing over me, reminding me how to be... alive. 

Released at last from this stale sarcophagus and into the fertile land where I belong! 

I exhale the last fumes of indifference,

And inhale the scent of a new, more fruitful and devoted dawn.

Awoken

Darkness has hung his heavy cloak outside my room.

And suddenly, as if the Moon tossed a piece of herself at my window to wake me,
I jerk upright, sticky sweat plastering hair to neck and face, trembling fingers massaging swollen eyes.

This nightmare could not have been more hopeless.

In a long, white lace gown, I stand at the back of the church.
Grief's salty tears rolling soundlessly down my flushed cheeks.
I clutch my breath inside my constricted lungs and watch you and her at the altar.

I am frozen, unable to flee the church, nor am I able to disrupt the ceremony and protest that your vows can't be for forever, that I am meant to be on that altar someday, that this can't be how the story ends!

Eventually, I accept that my attempts are futile, and I lean against the clean, white wooden walls of this church and watch you decide to begin a life without me in it.

The tears fall. They soak my lace and the red velvet under my feet.
And I weep until the Moon takes notice and wakes me.

Mountain

You did that and my insides were outsides for awhile, but I recovered.
Now I've got the rainbowy hope again.

You're gone and I guess it's OK because we see the same moon.
I'm all feathers and shivers and armor and future.

I'm standing tall, striding proudly towards this victory, whilst my strange little heart lays in the dew-licked grass and whistles about you and me.

I suck at the juiciest mango and my eyes flutter and I recall my head resting snuggly against the mountain of your shoulder and my hair a river cascading down your valleys.

I love you.

I can march onwards, beating my drum and forging my dreams, but one day I'll meet you where the sun caresses the waves and we can dance.

Transformation, WIP

Imagine!
I've discovered that all these ruthless anchors that pulled my veins and tendons towards the earth, are actually tools!
I can use them, not as weapons, but as machines to build my future.
That stone wall that kept me trapped inside?
I expanded it and now it guards against fear.
Those tears that fell every night?
I acknowledged them and they now convene inside to keep me afloat.

Affliction

This love I have is resilient,
a strain of malicious bacteria,
returning even after I've pulled it out of my core,
stomped upon it, cursed it, and burned it.

I even told it lies: that I wish I'd never had it at all.
It won't leave me alone.

I try to make it jealous, put on opulent shows with stuffy characters,
praying that it might leave on its own.

I want freedom but I fear that there is no cure,
for this painful affliction of my unrequited love.

En Route to Future

Here I am, smack dab in the middle of the Eiffel tower, of my lifespan.
A footballer on the edge of a gymnast's springboard,
Squinty, crinkled eyelids, soaring through the air at a target made of sand approximately 5,000 miles away.

Hey you, I am running to...not away.

Barreling down this narrow runway strip, chest up, towards the heavens,
taking off towards the change I can make in the dreams and the lives of the children of tomorrow.

Looking back is, adding chains around my neck.
Praying for your return, bricks onto my chest.

Galloping through the dawns first mist, flaming mane in the wind, over jumps and threats I fly.
No earthly creature can spook me, slow me, stop me now that I've begun.

Guppies in the School

I don't drift into slumber because I relish the wonders of sleep;

I merely yearn for the fullest sunup and efficient moments of daylight

I might sermonize, and alternately coddle, my guppies in the school;

But when I surface, new skills will replace these weary gills.

Marching my feet against this new path, the packed earth trembles.

Swallowing down stale fear-crumbs, my gut prepares for the unknown.

I have You

It began, but never ended,
This mistake, so unintended.

I slide to the floor, wilted,
My heart in turmoil, jilted.

My loss is uncontended,
This pain of mine, extended.

Before sleep I pray it untrue,
But in sleep, I have you.

Mirage

My shoulders slump, bones parched and creaking.
My legs carry me across another dusty riverbed.

My eyes scan the endless horizon for solace.
In the distance, I spy an abundant haven!

Sprinting forward, I shout dulcet praises to my savior,
but collapse, just a skeleton in the sand.

I've been fooled, pained, and blind, in the time we've been apart,
And I have waited, thirsted, hungered, for the asylum of your heart.

So I raise my weary body and press on my lengthy hajj,
To a day when your embrace is no longer a mirage.

Today I saw myself in crisp white, and you in sharp black, hands held, at the altar.
It wasn't us of course, but I saw a plausible future there, for us, beneath the trellis.
Which means that, I must commit myself to making this fantasy a reality! Or I must pinch myself hard, and commit these high hopes to the fanciful rooms in my mind.